March 11, 2007 (Jimmie Johnson)

Psalm 63:1-8

O God, you are my God, I seek you, my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; I will lift up my hands and call on your name. My soul is satisfied as with a rich feast, and my mouth praises you with joyful lips when I think of you on my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.

Luke 13:1-9

At that very time there were some present who told him about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices. He asked them, “Do you think that because these Galileans suffered in this way they were worse sinners than all other Galileans? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all perish as they did. Or those eighteen who were killed when the tower of Siloam fell on them--do you think that they were worse offenders than all the others living in Jerusalem? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all perish just as they did.” Then he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard; and he came looking for fruit on it and found none. So he said to the gardener, ‘See here! For three years I have come looking for fruit on this fig tree, and still I find none. Cut it down! Why should it be wasting the soil?’ He replied, ‘Sir, let it alone for one more year, until I dig around it and put manure on it. If it bears fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it down.’”

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By the time I arrive home later today, I may have a message on the answering machine telling me that Dr. Nidhi Watson, the physician and wife of Chris, has passed away. They live in Chicago. I married Chris and Nidhi five years ago in the chapel on the Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary campus. I had been Chris’s pastor when he was a boy at the DeSoto Presbyterian Church near Dallas and have been friends of his mom and dad for 30 years. I remember the day he introduced me to his bride to be. Nidhi is one of the most startlingly beautiful women I have ever seen.  Nidhi was born in the United States, but her parents are from India. Not only was she beautiful, but she was super intelligent and one of the most sensitive and caring people I have ever met. There was an instant bond between us. She even promised to take care of me in my old age.

Their wedding was joyous and wonderful. The reception was held at the Four Season’s in Austin, and it was wonderful. And these two were and are deeply in love. Chris and Nidhi have been married five years. Three years ago she was diagnosed with very advanced breast cancer. She could well be dead at this moment. If she isn’t, she will more than likely not see her next birthday. She is thirty-one.

Very horrible events and tragedies can happen to the finest of people. All the traditional answers are unsatisfactory. I believe a paradox: we are all loved equally by God and enjoy God’s providential care while at the same time, terrible, unfair suffering and evil tragedies can come upon us.  These beliefs are in conflict. Turning sixty this year and having spent thirty-one years as a Presbyterian minister, I don’t see this conflict of faith ever being resolved this side of heaven. It is part of the faith experience.

Judgment Day not only will involve us explaining to God but God explaining to us as well. The Creation and the Creator will hear each tell his or her story until there are no more tears. The last tear to fall in Heaven will be God’s as God hears God’s creation pronounce forgiveness too for God since then all things now so blurred to us will be then clear. I believe God loves and cherishes Nidhi and Chris as God does all of us, not because we are deserving but because it is God’s nature to love us so. I believe God exercises providential care within creation.

I also believe things happen which are random and accidental, not at all the plans of God nor the will of God. Sometimes these things turn out to benefit us. Sometimes they are experienced as tragic evils assaulting us and those we love. I ask God why, and I get no answers.

I know that Einstein said God does not play dice with the universe. It was his stand against Quantum Physics, but to me, it does seem sometimes the dice are rolled and God must then respond with improvisation. Like Jesus in this text, I do not believe innocent people going about their daily lives are suddenly killed or given cancer because they are sinners. That was the predominant belief in Jesus’ day. It is a strong voice heard at times in both the Jewish and Christian scriptures. And, it is an unspoken assumption in many forms of Christianity today.

You can go to many churches and hear preachers and members say that God punishes us for our sins so that when people are murdered or die in accidents of nature, like in a wall collapsing, they were being punished. Someone had sinned. I mean no disrespect to anyone’s faith, but I simply don’t believe God is so creepy.

So, I reject the sound of the voice that claims God punishes us with suffering and death. I reject it if it is heard in Scripture. I reject it if it is heard in Church. I have heard another voice. It is a voice that speaks of hope when it comes to all my beliefs about God. I have heard it in the voice of Jesus recorded in texts like the one we are hearing this morning. I can no longer listen to religious voices which speak of God as harming and punishing and destroying, not if I allow my understanding of God to be based on the life of Jesus. Jesus simply was not about harming and punishing.

Yes, we parents discipline our children. Yes, I believe God disciplines us as loved children. But there is a difference between discipline and abuse. Physical suffering and death are forms, not of discipline but of abusive punishment. God is no more a creep than you or I. You would no more kill your children or make them suffer through cancer to teach them a lesson than I would. If God is so creepy, let God strike me down now in your presence.

When we hear voices saying God punishes us for our sins with death or suffering, the suffering and innocent death of Jesus upon the cross forever reject any God that crucifies sinners. His suffering and death are not expressions of God’s punishing judgment. They are marks of God’s merciful judgment. They are humanizing moments when God evolves and experiences the suffering and death of his human creatures and continues to be present to us in our own suffering and deaths, not as punishment but as a binding love from which nothing can separate us.

What I really believe Jesus is telling us in his response to the deaths of the Galilean worshippers and the deaths of the religious pilgrims when the wall collapsed is that human life is always fragile and every moment of it is best lived in an attitude of “repentance.” Our problem is we have let Bible belt culture corrupt the idea of repentance so that we fail to see it as the great call to joy that it is.

Repentance is not groveling and self-hating. Repentance is not punishing one’s self. Repentance is re-orienting your life every moment in a glad awareness that God is the mighty river of grace flowing into and through your life, even being carried along by you and me. Look at the parable. The judgment of the vineyard owner is correct. The fig tree is producing no fruit. It is wasting space, using up resources. There is no reason for doing anything but removing the failure from the property. But the voice of the worker, the gardener, in the field is “Wait. Wait. Let’s take more time. Let’s don’t give up. Let’s try more nurturing.” That is the voice of God. That is the voice you need to hear more than any other voice in the sacred texts and in the church.

It is not the voice of the privileged and powerful landowner but the voice of the worker in the field. It is a voice reflecting the never discouraged love of a God who will not abandon hope for God’s creation, God’s people, you and me in all our smallness in the scale of the universe and with the failure of our humanity upon us. God’s voice calls for more time. God’s judgment is more care, more love, no destruction, no condemnation, no harm. God’s judgment upon our flaws, sins, and failures is for not giving up, a call for more care, for more love, more patience--all expressions of hope.

Do you want to know the central feature of a heart and mind rooted in repentance? It is hopefulness that leads to a more loving humanity, a humanity that grows from the presence of God deep within and forever possessed by hope.

Look, I am very sad that my friend Nidhi is dying. I am sick at my stomach that her young husband, Chris, is having to say goodbye to his wife. I am in knots because Jerry and Linda Watson are losing this daughter-in-law whom they have come to love and cherish. I am angry that sick people will not have the benefit of Dr. Nidhi Watson, world-class physician and human being. I protest her death. I protest her death to God in your presence.

All of this articulation of pain is called lamenting. Lamenting is not a sign of unbelief. There is a whole book in the Bible devoted to raising these questions. What I believe even more than my hurt, anger, and sadness is that God responds to articulated hurt. I believe God knows we have so many questions and difficulties with life and death and suffering. I believe it is okay for us to keep “bugging” God to get God’s good in gear. But, I also believe God is not waiting for us to figure everything out, not hesitating to act on our behalf until we give evidence that we have put aside our questioning. No, I believe “...love bears all things....” God will come forward. There is no settled answer to my religious questions and protests, something that will remove all doubt and take away all stinging hurt.

No. But I believe God is the one who will speak up and call for tender love and care. God will come forward in our search, our pain, our need, our protest. God will come forward. Just when Nidhi is passing, I believe God will come forward. Just when Chris is most alone, God will come forward. Just when you and I cannot stand it, God will come forward. The light will shine in the darkness.